Dear Younger Me: Great Scott, Look How Far We’ve Come

Dear Younger Me,

I’m writing to you 10 years on from the moment sight loss started changing everything. I wish I could jump into a DeLorean, hit 88 miles an hour, and comeback to tell you what is coming. Great Scott, it all makes sense!

Except life is not that straightforward. Losing sight comes with losing parts of the future you had imagined. And before we continue beware SPOILERS ahead!!!

Driving will be one of the hardest things to accept. You love F1, but it is not just about the cars. It is about freedom. Being able to get into a car, hit the pedal and just drive. Losing that independence will hurt, and it is OK to grieve it.

You will spend a while wondering what comes next. College will be difficult when you are told you cannot continue with graphic design ending your plans for a career inside the Adobe suite, feeling like your creativity has been ripped away from you.

You will then spend a year at home watching a lot of Netflix, unaware that audio description exists. When you discover it’s a complete game changer you also meet Warwick Davis which was awesome.

Then comes a genius idea to Google “blind colleges” and you will discover The Royal National College for the Blind (RNC). In Hereford. It will feel a bit like blind Hogwarts. There is no Hogwarts Express or timetable delivered by owl unfortunately however there are many cute guide dogs, but you will learn skills that change your life. Braille, assistive technology, independent living, mobility including public transport which will rebuild your confidence, alongside redoing you’re a-Levels over 4 years.

You will go to Berlin, complete the Bronze and Silver Duke of Edinburgh Awards, and do things you once thought were impossible. You will learn that confidence does not always come before action. Sometimes you just must do the thing, panic slightly, work it out and realise afterwards that you were capable all along, very much like you’re the Doctor.

You will make brilliant life-long friendships for the first time and will create memories you will cherish forever.

Work will open another door. Through Thomas Pocklington Trust’s Get Set Progress Internship Programme, you will become a Communications Intern at Beacon Centre for the Blind. You will write, create content and work on campaigns, discovering that creativity was never limited to graphic design. Words can be just as powerful. The internship will become a contract, then a permanent role.

Other highlights include becoming a LOOK Mentor, being on podcasts & radio, writing blogs, visiting Parliament, and taking part in the VICTA Change Maker Programme. You will use the power of your own voice to inspire and make change.

You will also learn that independence does not mean doing everything alone. It means having choices and finding ways to do things that work for you. Think of Batman. Your version of a utility belt will contain a screen reader, a long cane, technology, and adjustments rather than batarangs and a grappling hook.

Over time, your question will change from, “How am I going to do this if I can’t see?” to, “How can I do this differently?” This doesn’t mean everything becomes easy. There will be inaccessible places, frustrating systems and days when you wonder what life might have looked like without sight loss. You will get annoyed and ask, “Why is this so difficult and inaccessible?”

You will gradually realise that being VI is only one part of who you are. You are a son, grandson, brother, friend, colleague and still a bit of a geek. And you will have an inspiration much closer to home. Your great-uncle, former Justice Zak Yacoob, is blind and became a judge on South Africa’s Constitutional Court after being appointed by Nelson Mandela. He also worked as an anti-apartheid activist. Make sure you speak to him as his advice is priceless and super valuable.

His journey will remind you that blindness does not have to decide the size of your ambitions. You do not have to follow his path, but you can carry the belief that your sight does not define what you are capable of. It’s like having your very own Uncle Ben.

Your love of stories will help you through your journey, Marvel will give you plenty of origin stories, while The Hunger Games will remind you that you do not need the Capitol’s permission to be yourself, to Percy Jackson and much more. Sometimes life will feel like Mario Kart, where you take the wrong turn and blame the track. You will laugh, find another way, and carry on.

You will also discover other blind people whose stories show you there is no single way to live with sight loss. People like Molly Burke will remind you that blindness does not mean your life has to become smaller through her YouTube channel and books.

Ten years ago, you could not see the road ahead. In some ways, neither can I now. That is the point. You do not need to know every turn before taking the next step. You did not lose your future. You found a different way of getting there.

That is why these words from Yusuf/Cat Stevens’ Moonshadow mean more to me now: “And if I ever lose my eyes, if my colours all run dry, I won’t have to cry no more.”

Sight loss changed my life, but it did not stop it. There is still plenty ahead, and I am learning to be comfortable with not knowing exactly what comes next and seeing the blessings of the bigger picture, because you have become more confident, learnt new skills and much more which would not Hae been possible before sight loss.

Remember that you are more than the things you have lost and more than the things you cannot do in the way you once imagined. You are still you and don’t change for anyone. And honestly? I think we’ve done all right.

Love from future Mo ❤️

P.S. you will start telling people you can drive a stick now in reference to your cane and try not to compare yourself too much. Someone else’s timeline is not a timetable for your life. You are not behind. You are simply taking a different route, and that route will take you places you never expected.